Renewed Faith

I was drinking everyday. I got drunk when no one was around. I hid the evidence anywhere I could. I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I knew it was wrong but I had tried quitting before without any luck. When I decided to fill that God sized hole in my soul with God, I started to see change and the contrast was huge. My family began to notice it too and relationships were healed. I understand now that I am alcoholic in recovery. I thank God for my sobriety and the support through the Church and God.

I never wanted to admit that I needed help. I didn’t know it was okay to say. I tried many years to deal with the dark days of my life both presently and in the past on my own. Those days I didn’t want to get out of bed, the days I avoided leaving the house if possible, the days where I felt lonely…pushing away the people who loved me because I believed they didn’t. Instead I sought out relationships that were fleeting and built on unhealthy ideals. I wanted love. I just didn’t know what love really was. It wasn’t until I opened the door and let the sunshine in that I began to understand that the people who loved me had always been right in front of my eyes.

About six months ago, I almost moved to South Dakota. My husband and I had been having trials in our marriage which had been building. It began with me moving to the spare bedroom downstairs to packing my bags to leave. My biggest fear at the time was allowing myself to love someone – anyone. Doing that meant being vulnerable but it also meant possible failure. Often times if we feel that we are going to fail at something, we may quit to avoid all the negative emotions that come with that (shame, embarrassment, a broken heart). This technique had been working really well for me until the moment I stood in the spare bedroom with my husband. I remember how tired his grey blue eyes were as he looked at me with disappointment. When someone who loves you finally says “enough is enough.” It makes you stop and realize your actions. That is when I came back from South Dakota. That was the moment I started crying again, something I hadn’t done in a long time. To me, crying was only something that weak people did. I was strong! I didn’t need anyone. I could do it all on my own. Sadly though, that wasn’t the case. In that moment I realized that more then anthing, more then my husband, I needed God.

In the Book of Mormon there is a man who rejected the teachings of the church and worked to destroy it also. This man’s name was Alma the Younger. He was wicked and idolatrous. Alma the Younger worked very hard to lead people away from the truth. One day though, the Lord sent an Angel to Alma who explained that he had been sent in answer to the faithful prayers of Alma’s father. Alma was overcome by this experience. He began to repent of his past sins but somewhere he harbored guilt of who he used to be. But once he realized that he had been forgiven, he was filled with joy and his testimony only strengthened.

Sometimes we let our pasts hold us back. We let our mistakes define who we are and when we do that, we begin to think that change isn’t possible. Changing requires hard work, humility and courage. But change is the entire reason that Heavenly Father sent us here. He wants us to come back to him and that is possible through a relationship with God and his son Jesus Christ.

If she decided that the chaos of metamorphosis would be too much for her to handle, she would never know what she was to become. —- Rachel Hollis

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.